and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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