I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
