One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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