I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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