She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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