Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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