lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
