I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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