take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
