Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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