I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
