found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
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