It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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