I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
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