oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
