4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
