I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
