There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
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