God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
The air taste purple.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
