Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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