We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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