Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
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