I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
