Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
wat bout pragnant strippers??
I need to stop coming to work sober
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
