life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
