i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
vagina is talking i cant
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
