is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Randomize
