i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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