$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
