i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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