I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
