I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize