I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
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