we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
