He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
