My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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