i permit you to call me
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
