4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Randomize
