Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
