The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
