He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
