Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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