i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
