your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
