omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
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