Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
