It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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