Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Couch. On fire.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
