dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
You ruined the universe
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
