so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
