Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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