I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
