3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
