I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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