Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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