he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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