So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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