Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
