I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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