I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
