i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Randomize
