dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Who died my cat blue again?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
