I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
