I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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