Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
