I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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