To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
