I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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