She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
no you cant smoke seaweed
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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