Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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