my soul wont recognize me after tonight
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
