I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
