Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
