please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
