I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
